~To all Biological Mother's~

I wanted to take some time and write this because I deal with two biological mother's to my four step children! I am also the biological mother to 5 children and I try to live this when dealing with my ex and his "new" girlfriends. So I am creating a list of tips for biological mother's to use when they split up with their children's father.

So here is some of my tips for biological mother's.

1. When you split up with your child's father that does not mean that you are a single parent. Chances are that when you split up the father still wants to be a very active part of your children's life. So you have to put on your big girl panties and except that because you are no longer a couple doesn't mean that he is no longer a parent. You at this point need to do what is best for your children and allow him regular unhampered access to his children. You are now a single mother not a single parent.
2. You need to remember that all though there maybe some hurt feeling's when you and your ex split up there was obviously some good reason to end the relationship between you to and in the end that is more than likely a great decision for your children, but you need to work past any hurt and or anger and work towards a positive parenting relationship for your children,as they also are hurt with the dissolve of your relationship. And they don't need to be around two parent's that can not get along long enough to make decision's about their well being.
3. When you decide to get a new boyfriend please don't try and force your children to call them daddy or even to like them,that feeling needs to come natural. And your children already have a daddy that loves them. Now I am not saying that your child should be allowed to disrespect your new boyfriend I am just saying that by pushing them to like them may in the end lead to them not wanting them in their life.
4. If you can try and work out a joint custody agreement with your ex as in most cases this is what is best for your children. Honestly how can it not be what is best as long as both parent's are fit. In the end the children will have 2 very active parents in their life.
5. When it comes to child support I feel that the parent who has the child the most should get some support. But please do not use support to "get even" with the ex. Remember although it is nice to have that extra money "for the kids" the ex also has to support him self and his children when he has them in his home. If you take him to the cleaner's what might your children not be getting that they need while with him because he can not afford to buy it. And remember to remind the kids when you take them to the theme park etc that dad sent you your money and that helped us do this,that way the kids don't feel that he don't do nothing for them.
6. When your ex gets a new girlfriend do not tell your children that they do not need to listen to her or respect her. It is no different than when you date a new man. She is not there to try and take your place or want to. She is in love with your children's father and chances are that love is going to reflect on how she treats your children. The step mother is there for your children when they need her to be and is most cases will be the one cooking,bathing and all that type of stuff while the children are with their father, and really how great is that because that allows the father more time to be together and doing things that are fun. The stepmother is a person also and needs to be treated with respect.
7. Do not attack the stepmother just because she does not do the things you do, she is an individual and that maybe the very thing that the father loves about her, and it is now her home and things are done her way. Just because it is not how you do it does not mean it is the wrong way!
8. Do not try and tell your ex's new wife about all the bad thing's you believe to be true about your ex,it is just makes you sound jealous and bitter. And she will not take your warning to heart. Just remember the past is the past and some people grow and become better people for their past experiences.
9. Do not come to your ex's house and start drama it does nothing more than cause hurt on the children as everyone involved the children have an attachment to. Instead of standing there arguing leave hang up the phone wait and try to re-adress the issue that caused the drama at another time and try and see everyone point of view.
10. Do not use your children as a pawn against their father to try and get your way or cause him pain. If he is hurting it will affect your children. They love their father and their mother it is a natural thing that children love both parent's and why try and hurt that?

**Disclaimer**

This was not posted to piss anyone off it is just my thought's on a very touchy subject. If you do not agree that is within your Rights.

My groups on cafe mom

I am the owner of a few great groups at cafemom.com, one of which is a stepmother's love the group of stepmother's in my group is very loving caring outgoing stepmother's, I have grown so much from getting to know these ladies and communicate with them everyday about the trials of being a stepmother! We give advice and support to one another and share stories about life as a stepmother!
Another group I owned was father's have rights too! But I passed ownership of this group awhile ago when I was not online to keep it updated. But again this is a group I am proud to have founded and these women are working very hard to help change the child custody laws!

The reason I am writing about this is cafe mom has decided to send me a gift for my hard work and compassion to all members of cafe mom. It is nice to be appreciated for something that I feel so strongly about!

A stepmother's prayer

Lord, help me to be a good stepmother… give me the patience of a saint, the strength of an ox, and the skin of a rhinoceros. Help me to understand why their mother would rather believe her children are suffering at the hands of an evil stepmother than being loved by a kind, responsible adult who brings them happiness. Let me be content in my knowledge that children have an unlimited supply of love to give. Keep me from reminding their mother that my presence in their lives does not take away the love they feel for her as she fails to understand that a child’s love multiplies and does not divide. Help me in the constant struggle to find my role in the children’s lives, somewhere “below” a parent but “above” an aunt or family friend. Accordingly, help me to appropriately and accurately represent our relationship when in public. If someone calls them my children or me their mother, guide me in how I am to respond… let me know if I am overstepping my bounds by remaining silent or disowning them by correcting the assumption. Help me keep my patience, even while dropping my plans at a moment’s notice when their “real” parents are busy… and when their mother tells my husband “she is not their mother!” and “why can’t she watch them?” in the same conversation, give me the strength to keep from going over the brink of hysteria. Help me to know when and how I should discipline the children without exceeding my authority or taking too passive a role. Lead me from the temptation of spoiling them in the vain hope that they will accept me and not resent my presence. If a time comes when I disagree with how they are being raised, make me keep silent and not object in spite of the fact that they live in my home. Help me to have the premonitions of a psychic and the perception of a mind reader. Give me the ability to anticipate all potential problems and to accept the fact that they will usually be my fault. Make sure I am always ready with some cash in my pocket for surprise expenses and the time to drive somebody somewhere at the drop of a hat. Remind me that if I have a moment to catch my breath, I have probably forgotten something, and when I finally remember what it is, do not let me assume one of the “real” parents is taking care of it. Help me to forget that in spite of devoting the time, money, stress and energy required in raising my stepchildren, I will not shop for prom dresses, be the mother of the bride or dance with the groom. Remind me that maybe, some day, the children will give me a second thought and remember something positive about me from their childhoods. Let them gain something from having known me, no matter how small or insignificant, and let something, anything I did make them each a better person, whether they realize it or not.